2009 (two thousand nine) was, I would say, an okay year. Nothing truly amazing or spectacular happend this year in the Floyd home to define the year for us. We took some fun vacations, celebrated our 1st anniversary and had a big pary for Scotty's 30th. We did recently settle on a church - Calvary Houston.
We are pretty excited about being part of a church family again. Me, I'm sure, more than Scotty. Recently I have felt depressed....not like end my life depressed....just feeling sad every day. Scotty realized this and we sat and talked about it for a while. The last time I felt like this, I worked for a church. They had no office, so the office was in my apartment and day in and day out I would just sit at home answering the church phone (which sometimes would ring at 2am, by the way), creating e-mails to be sent out and trying my best to keep up with my pastor. I never saw anyone. Sure, I had a church home, but I volunteered each Sunday and never sat in service. Sure, I had a life group, but they talked weekly about the sermon that was preached the Sunday before and, of course, I couldn't really follow b/c I didn't hear it! It all boiled down to the fact that I had no friends. No one ever stopped by my little office apartment just to say hi. No one ever invited me to lunch to just get away. Nothing. If I needed anything, I had those friends for sure: Ashley, Beth, Kristy. But, at the time, I really didn't realize what I needed. Thankfully, the church split, and all I really felt was FREEDOM! I was free to not be at church from 6am-1pm. I was free to not put on a fake smile each week because I was a "Leader" and was supposed to "be on stage" each Sunday. I was FREE.
Now, however, in 2010 I am realizing I am close to where I was then. When Scotty and I were engaged, I imagined we would find a fun couple - maybe in our premarital sessions, maybe in our new church, maybe in our neighborhood - that would be our "friend" couple. Know what I mean? That couple both you get along with. The ones you want to have over for dinner and you all go see movies together and such. I truly believed that would happen. However, as much as I have tried (i.e. inviting people over, having parties, etc...) we (I) have no friends. Everyone we know has kids. This doesn't bother me, but people with children befriend other people with children so their kids can play together and they can walk each other through the times they are in. The only person who still will hang out with me (kids or not) is my very best friend, Kristy, but she lives over an hour away.
I say all this, not to whine, but to simply hope that our new church and 2010 brings some new freindships we can cultivate. I also pray that if there is any feeling or thought in my heart that is not totally God honoring, that He would reveal that to me. Feelings are a dangerous thing, and satan can definitely take-hold. Please pray with me.
